Today’s trailers have a habit of packing a whole lot of information into a two minute time frame, trying their very best to bombard you with reasons to go see their movie. Sometimes they tell you too much, sometimes they are too flashy or over the top or silly. But rarely, these days, can you call a trailer slow. I’m going to rank the trailers of six of the wide-release movies currently playing in theaters, from slowest to fastest. The speedometer of choice will be number of cuts per minute. Yes, I sat there and counted the number of cuts in each trailer, but don’t worry, it only took about two minutes per. However, because I only did one run through I cannot guarantee the accuracy of these numbers. I’ll give you these six current movies and then you can know what to see based on whether you are a frenetic or docile kind of mood. But first, as a totally unscientific control group to measure how the speed of trailers has changed over the years, I randomly picked two older movies out of my head and looked up their trailers. So even if you hate this article, at least you will have the chance to finally watch the original trailers of Rocky and Star Wars.

 

8. Rocky

23 cuts per minute

Rocky was by far and away the slowest trailer on this list. It was also the longest trailer, coming in at a fat 170 seconds, and still had the second lowest number of cuts. I guess the 70′s were a more somber time. The trailer is somewhat jarring to watch now, the intercuts between Creed walking in and Rocky talking quietly on the bed especially. I am reminded that Rocky was done on a shoestring budget, but this flick still holds a special place in my heart, silly trailer or not.

 

7. Star Wars

34 cuts per minute

I bet you have never watched one of the original trailers to Star Wars. I hadn’t either. Also a somewhat bizarre tone, much darker than the movie itself is. This trailer came out within a year after the Rocky trailer. This trailer had the fewest total number of cuts, 63, and made them in 111 seconds.

6. Kung Fu Panda 2

43 cuts per minute, 92 cuts in 129 seconds

Here is our first currently in theaters trailer. With a sample size of just one, I can only speculate that kid’s movies trailers are slower because their brains aren’t big enough to process all the quick cuts. Maybe I’ll get better data as the summer goes on. As far as I can tell from this, it’s a bunch of action set pieces similar to the last film, but assuredly bigger and bangier in every way. The main arc of the last one was the Po’s journey from being a total buffoon to a kung fu master, I’m not sure how they are going to fill out the arc without the origin story. Something a lot of sequels suffer from.

5. Bridesmaids

44 cuts per minute, 103 cuts in 140 seconds

Called The Hangover for Girls, the trailer certainly seems similar. Group of girls of marrying age get wild and drink alcohol and it has to do with weddings. There’s even a Zach Galifinakis character in there. And Judd Apatow’s involved. I’ve heard good things.

4. Thor

47 cuts per minute, 114 cuts in 146 seconds

Standard fare for a superhero trailer. Suggest origin, show his complete physical dominance. Thor beats people with his hammer. Gods seem to be involved and they are aliens. And there seems to be a little interspecies love sprinkled in there. I’ve heard that it’s better than expected if you didn’t expect much.

3. X-Men: First Class

50 cuts per minutes, 75 cuts in 90 seconds

Seems like an interesting setting for the newest installment of the franchise. Directed by Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake, Stardust, Kick-Ass). I like James McAvoy. But the superhero glut is getting a little silly. I’ll wait to see how this plays among the first crowds before throwing down for a ticket.

2. The Hangover Part II

60 cuts per minute, 144 cuts in 145 seconds

Now we get to the blazers. This trailer averaged nearly a cut per second for two and a half minutes. And appears to be sped up so fast so that you don’t notice that it’s the exact same movie as the last one. But the critics noticed. Won’t be seeing this one in theaters.

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

63 cuts per minutes, 149 cuts in 142 seconds

At least Pirates wins the week in something. Though, like Hangover, the speed seems to try to cover the fact that its the same damn movie all over again. I’m glad they got rid of Bloom and Knightley and brought in Cruz, all moves which seem like it would make a better movie. But the last one was abysmal, and indications are that this one might not have surmounted it. Doesn’t matter though, these things make their money internationally and they already have a fifth and sixth in the works. I think Johnny Depp will be able to afford his own private pirate island from the proceeds of this franchise.